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Been away

Sorry for the break folks. But the roof on chez Sledge has been leaking.
You have no idea how profound a downer this is. Especially in country WA where the sun is always supposed to shine and we’re always supposed to be short of water to the point of drought.
But this winter, things have been different. We’ve had rain storms. And one of them came in through the rotten caulking/flashing around the flue — the out-pipe from the wood stove.
The ceiling now looks like my face in the bathroom mirror.

Imagine!

No don’t.

So the insurance mob have been in. Could be my failure to maintain said flue. I mean often do you think to yourself: Oh yeh, let’s go up on the roof and inspect the flue?

Life is strange. And the insurance industry is even stranger.

1943

After 70 years, the Brits are allowed to read diplomatic dispatches. Imagine being the Ambassador to Moscow in 1943. Probably colder than Minjup in July, dreary as hell. Culture consisted of watching such films as Ukraine in Flames and contemplating the fall-out from the Battle of Kiev. Still ... they had films and battles. In that respect much better than Minjup ... if you discount rows between the bogans across the road. So here’s one such communiqué from the Ambassador to Lord Pembroke, his superior at the Foreign Office. Enjoy. Especially if you’re cold.

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Dinner-party wisdom

The definitive line between youth and age has been found!
— When you’re young, you don’t have to take medication, but you want to.
— When you’re old, you don’t want to take medication, but you have to.

Constabulary of Vocabulary

I distinctly remember being rapped on the knuckles by an English teacher for misusing the word ‘enormity’. It can only mean, he insisted, a terrible crime or sin. On perusal of a number of recent dictionaries, however, it now seems that ‘modern’* English allows it to mean the great or extreme scale, or seriousness, of something (such as a problem, situation or event); though not of an object (such as the Chinese population).

Accordingly, we should now be able to refer to: “the enormity of the problem of calculating the enormity of Hitler’s enormities”. Albeit at the price of multiple ambiguities.

It’s no wonder our English teacher — whose name I can’t remember; though we called him ‘Pobbles’ — wanted it left alone. Sometimes the language police have good reason for making the arrests that they do make.

[[* Now there’s a slippery word!]]

The Wolfhound of Rocky Gully

If you visit Rocky Gully,
Beware the wolfhound; she can fully
Flog your sandwich, bread and cheese
And vanish in a fog of fleas.

So savour Rocky Gully’s best
But keep your lunch close to your chest.
One minute it’s your precious snap,
The next it’s nought but wolfhound crap.

More to watch?

Check tonight’s TV pages. There’s absolutely nothing anyone with half a neuron would watch.
Click on the images to enlarge. Doing so is better than watching TV tonight. Eh?

Our hut is a very, very, very fine hut

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Yes, yes, yes, it’s my autumn almanac

 

Mad cephalopod

Today’s Guardian has an article entitled “How to Section an Octopus”. It’s quite simple. You find someone madder than the octopus — a psychiatrist or registered clinical psychologist — and get them to sign the form.

Half a Day in the Life, or A Day in the Half-life

Woke up, got out of bed. About 7:15. That’s late for me but it’s winter and coldish after all. Pulled on some trackies and a hoodie, though I never put the hood up. The little pouch is good for reading glasses.

Next I did what I always do and rolled a cigarette with Champion Blue tobacco. (“Legendary”, it says.) Zig Zag liquorice paper. (“Finest Quality, Made in France”, it says.) Orange Ranch Micro Slim Filter. (“The Perfect Filter”.)

“Liquorice” should always be pronounced “licker-iss”. There’s no “sh” in there. People at smoke-shop counters try to correct me. I won’t have it, hissing the word back at them.

Found some Coffee Chill in the fridge from a day or two ago. It was still OK. Washed down neuralgia and blood-pressure pills plus a multi-vitamin, an Executive-B stress and two fish-oil tablets. That’s breakfast most days.

Then I woke up the computer. It’s a Mac so it “sleeps”. Checked email. One from Sledgette Major trying to arrange a birthday dinner. She’s good at those sorts of things. The new Guardian Australia website told me Iain Banks had died. Then to the Times Crossword Club site to get today’s puzzle. They’re always quite easy on a Monday and I completed it in 17 minutes and some seconds.

There’s a rumour that the Club will close down within the year and we’ll all have to subscribe to the whole of the London Times to get it. If so, that will be my third divorce.

Nothing much to do then. So I put on the booster that makes the solar water work when it’s less than 21˚C and drove around to the Minjup Post Office. There was a man in there with a hoodie on. With the hood up. But he wasn’t in any danger of robbing the place. His foot was in plaster and he was complaining to the lovely Donna-of-the-Post about his operation. He had a wheelchair waiting outside.

In the post was a new cribbage board I ordered from Pleasant Times Industries last month. The website says it’s in Jackson Heights NY 11372. But the package said it came from Amritsar 143 001, India. The globalised world is a puzzle to me.

Strange thing to say, “globalised world”. Wasn’t it always globalised by definition? But you know what I mean eh?

Back from the PO, the water was ready for a shower. Phone rang while I was getting out and I had to drip all the way to the phone to answer. Must get a phone in the bathroom. It was a friend whose external hard drive I’d promised to breathe life into a month or so ago. They were not reminding me that I’d forgotten.

Spare hot water in the tank, so I did the dishes. Nothing much to report there. Dishes are dishes. They get done. There is no other verb that goes with “dishes”.

Felt like a bit of reading. So I put on the washing machine and settled down to a research proposal the Prof had dropped off a few days ago. It was about the representation (what does that word mean?) of women in computer games. And what might happen if you (that is the writer of the report) invented a character of “traditional build” as Precious Ramotswe would have it. To this minute, I have no idea why the Prof thought I’d be interested. The pictures were nice though.

The washing machine is fairly new. A Bosch Classixx [sic] recommended by S. Major. I’m only just getting used to its noises and try to guess when it’s finished from the sounds. But it always defeats me. It has a cunning trick of showing “0:01” when it’s done its thing. That’s supposed to mean “one minute”. But it stays on for at least three before changing to “End” when you can safely open the door. Seeing “0:01” always disappoints me.

Hung the “bigs” load (trousers, tops, etc.) on the line and went in to pick up a novel I’m re-reading. Read it last in 1985 when it first came out. The year of my first divorce. At the time it seemed a bit gloomy and funny at the same time. Very suitable. This time around, it’s just slightly comforting to know that not much has changed in 28-odd years.

Thought I’d got it right by the end of half-a-dozen-or-so chapters, but the machine was still on its final spin — 0:05. Waited. Took out the “smalls” load (socks and jocks, singlets etc.) and hung them in a darkling winter sun.

I saw a bloke go past the west end of the house. He didn’t see me. He’s called Dennis or Doug or something and he’s a mate of Bob-the-Handy from a few properties up around the corner. Though I don’t think Bob actually likes him much. He walks a lot. I suspect for his health. Probably best avoided then.

I’ll tell you all about Bob another time.

The radio played music when I wanted talk and talk when I wanted music. There was a competition to go to “Dark MOFO” in Hobart. I thought — Do they realise what “Mofo” actually means? At first, they said you have to send in a picture of your interpretation of a dark Mofo and then changed this to a picture of “a winter feast”. Someone must have put them right. I sent in a photo of a seed pod on a paperback book cover. The judges are arty, so I’m hopeful.

Then I had nothing much to do so went off to buy a pie for lunch and sit down to write this. The rest of the day looms.

You won’t be hearing about it.

The man behind the man behind the mask

Theosophical philology

Prof: It is important to realise that there is no first-person present continuous of the verb ‘to dream’.
Student: Professor, is there any single word that is ungrammatical?
Prof: Yes. The word is ‘God’. You cannot use the word correctly in any sentence, including those involving negation.

Simple as ABC

What a great morning while doing the crossword! Looking forward to some decent radio and what do we get?
ABC Radio National: Geraldine Doogue celebrating the 21st anniversary of Life Matters, proving how unbearable it was then and she still is.
ABC Local: Some stupid woman complaining about handouts to parents when she brought up five of her own kids with nothing but one football boot and a stick of celery to her name.
ABC FM: An opera singer talking about her wardrobe. This will keep going until 12:00 when bloody Throsby will be on with more bloody talking.

Notes to ABC management:

A. Sack Doogue and drop Life Matters. 21 years is enough already.
B. Do not let any member of the WA public on radio unless they have an IQ over room temperature.
C. Sack Throsby and keep Classic FM for, as their slogan has it, “The World’s Most Beautiful Music”.

A North Korean Pop Song

The Jong Uns,
Darling we’re the Jong Uns,
And Jong Uns shouldn’t be afraid
To bomb, the
Shit out of everyone.
For we won’t be the Jong Uns very long.

Once in every lifetime,
Comes a chance like this.
I bomb you and you bomb me.
Park Geun-hye, can’t you see ...

(Etc., to The Very End.)

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Ecce noodle

Because today is Noodlemas Day, here is a nice nativity scene of the little Baby Parmesan in the manger. The Minjup Primary kids (the “Wee Pirates”) have certainly come a long way since the curriculum dispensed with the other Baby Cheeses, creationism and other unfalsifiable propositions. Isn’t it good to see them believing in something substantial?

Bless His Noodly Appendage

Ducks on the swale!

It’s been raining. At least 15mm today and the tank’s nearly full again. You can tell by the ducks arriving in the swale. Here are Rita and Hilda and her mates getting out in search of snails. Wonderful things your ducks!

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