We've all been contemplating the anomaly of the possibility of having a JAFA (Just Another F****** Academic) living down here.
In the course of our deliberations, Spookie told me this story, on which I hereby extemporise:
A plumber retires and decides he might go to university.
So he attends the open day and does the round of the various stands.
He talks to the academics at Sociology, Psychology, English, History, and so on.
But he just isn't interested.
As he's leaving the campus, he sees a stall reading "ASSUME" and, behind it, a wizened professor with no customers.
So he goes over to the stall and asks the professor, "What's this Assume business then?"
The professor says, "Well it's a new discipline that we're trialling and it's really interesting".
Plumber: So what do you do in Assume?
Prof: Well, I'll give you an example. I assume you have a dog.
Plumber: Yeh, Rover, had him for years.
Prof: So I assume you let him out in the back yard.
Plumber: Course, couldn't keep him in all day.
Prof: So, if you have a back yard, I assume there's a house in front of it.
Plumber: Naturally.
Prof: So I assume you live in the house with your wife.
Plumber: To be sure, where else would she live?
Prof: So, if you have a wife, I assume you're heterosexual.
Plumber: Oath, I wouldn't pad up for the other side would I?
Prof: There you are then. Simple example, but that's what Assume is all about. I start with a basic assumption -- you have a dog -- and through a chain of related assumptions, I come to the conclusion that you're heterosexual!
The plumber is very impressed with this and decides to enrol in a degree in Assume.
After a few weeks of study, he goes to the pub one night and runs into an old mate from the plumbing trade -- plumber's mate perhaps?
Over a beer, his friend asks him what he's doing in retirement.
Plumber: I'm at the University.
Mate: What are you studying.
Plumber: It's a new course called "Assume".
Mate: Never heard of it. What's involved?
Plumber: I'll give you a for-instance: I assume you have a dog.
Mate: Well actually no. Never liked dogs.
Plumber: You're a f****** poof!
Sledge
